Lately, I’ve been paying closer attention to what my body needs. After a meal—typically something balanced with protein, fats, and carbs—I almost immediately crave something sweet. For me, that’s dark chocolate-covered almonds. After a hot shower, it’s fruit. I know these cravings because I’ve spent time listening. I’ve learned what my body asks for when it speaks.
But it wasn’t always like this. For a long time, I moved through life detached from my needs—physical, emotional, even spiritual. I didn’t know how to listen. And now that I’ve learned to, I can’t help but notice how many people never do.
We’re Talking, Not Listening
Everywhere I look, people are talking at each other—not to each other. Conversations feel more like competition than connection. Social media amplifies it: everyone shouting to be seen, validated, and approved of. But beneath that noise is a collective ache—the need to be understood.
When you’re constantly being talked at, you start to fight for visibility. You become louder, more performative, more desperate to be seen. And so begins the loop: the less we’re heard, the more we demand validation.
But validation is not connection. Validation is a surface-level acknowledgment. It’s a digital thumbs-up to our existence. True connection, though—that’s deep listening. It’s being seen beyond the performance, beyond the words. And very few people are capable of that anymore.
Even in Therapy
I see it in therapy sessions, too. People come to be seen, but many don’t know how to be present enough to connect. They talk and talk, not realizing they’re talking at me, not with me. And while I understand the need—to release, to be heard—there’s something dehumanizing about being the object of someone’s projection rather than a participant in their process.
It’s not their fault. Most people have never truly been listened to, so they don’t know how to offer listening in return.
Listening is Love
Listening is how empathy forms. It’s how we say, “I’ve been there too.” When we listen to ourselves—our intuition, our discomfort, our truth—we develop the capacity to listen to others. That’s what makes love possible.
But we’ve replaced listening with validation. And validation feels good—temporarily. It’s the sugar rush of emotional connection. It’s quick, easy, and empty. Deep listening, on the other hand, requires silence. Solitude. Reflection. Most people aren’t equipped for that kind of stillness.
A Culture of Noise
We live in a world where attention is currency, and silence feels like poverty. So we chase likes, applause, and engagement. We mistake visibility for intimacy. But attention isn’t affection. Validation isn’t understanding.
And so we find ourselves lonelier than ever, even in a sea of followers and friends. Because no one’s listening.
Leadership and Listening
I’ve realized that my ability to lead—whether in teaching, therapy, or life—comes from my ability to listen. To myself. To others. To the spaces between words. That’s what makes true connection possible.
But it’s also isolating. The more attuned you become, the more you notice how few people are listening. The more assertive you must be to protect your peace. Listening becomes both your gift and your guardrail.
And it can make you a target for those still chasing validation. People who confuse attention with connection often envy those who embody quiet confidence—because they can’t yet find it within themselves.
But they could—if they learned to listen.
The Discipline of Listening
Listening to yourself changes everything. You respond to life differently. You move from reactivity to awareness. You stop needing constant validation because you become your own witness.
Your mental health improves. Your relationships deepen. Your peace expands. But it requires discipline. It requires solitude. It requires sitting still long enough to hear what’s really there.
The Call to Listen
I don’t think we’re built for constant validation. We’re built for connection.
But connection takes courage. It takes quiet. It takes an ear turned inward before it can ever turn outward.
So if you’re feeling unseen, unheard, or misunderstood—pause. Don’t shout louder. Listen deeper. Because when you finally start listening to yourself, you’ll realize: the connection you’ve been craving has been waiting inside you all along.