Why Listening Is Getting Harder in a Fast-Paced World

In today’s ultra fast-paced society, listening is becoming harder and harder.

Notifications, pings, media, and social media are working overtime to grab our attention.
And it’s working.

Our attention is constantly being fragmented. Research suggests that constant digital stimulation and media multitasking are associated with reduced sustained attention and greater distractibility over time. We live in a state of near-constant stimulation, and it’s taking a toll on our capacity to be with one another.

As a society, we’re overstimulated.
We have a hard time sustaining attention.
And more people are being diagnosed with ADHD.

Whether due to neurobiology, environment, or the way modern life is structured, the reality is this:
Our attention is stretched thin.

And one of the first relational skills to suffer is listening.

Listening requires slowing down.
Pausing.
Quieting internal noise.
Temporarily setting aside competing demands.
Containing what another person is saying without immediately preparing your response.

Listening asks for patience—something our culture is actively training us out of.

The problem is that a lack of listening is quietly wreaking havoc on relationships.

A friend of mine recently shared a story about spending time in a group where one person kept blurting out thoughts, cutting people off, and repeatedly interrupting the flow of conversation. It was disruptive. It was uncomfortable. It made the interaction less enjoyable.

When my friend expressed annoyance, someone responded, “That’s just her ADHD.”

This was a group of adults in their 40s.

I want to say this carefully, because this is not about shaming people with ADHD or any mental health condition. ADHD is real. Impulsivity and inattention are real struggles. At the same time, longitudinal research suggests that some ADHD symptoms—particularly impulsivity—tend to decrease with age, and there are well-established supports: medication, therapy, coaching, and skills-based strategies that can help people regulate attention and impulse control.

In other words, there are ways to work with these challenges.

What concerns me is the growing tendency to excuse socially harmful behavior entirely on the basis of a diagnosis, rather than supporting people in developing the skills they need to relate to others with care. A diagnosis can explain behavior, but it doesn’t remove responsibility for learning how to be in relationship with others.

Mental illness or neurodivergence does not negate the importance of human decency.

When listening breaks down, relationships suffer. People feel unseen. Unheard. Disconnected. We’re also living in what the U.S. Surgeon General has described as a loneliness epidemic, with profound implications for mental and physical health. When conversations feel rushed, fragmented, or one-sided, it becomes harder—and frankly more emotionally taxing—to stay connected to others.

My hope isn’t to be harsh or uncaring. It’s the opposite.

I want us to take listening seriously as a relational skill.
One that can be practiced.
Strengthened.
Relearned.

Listening asks us to slow our lives down just enough to be with another human being.
It asks us to reduce the grip of constant stimulation.
It asks us to build patience in a culture that rewards speed.

My call is simple:
Let’s learn how to listen better.

And if this is hard for you—if your mind is loud, restless, distracted—that’s okay. You may just need support, skills, and space to practice. That’s something therapy can help with.

Because a society that cannot listen is a society that will struggle to remain connected.
And connection is not optional for human wellbeing.